Emily Almond

Meet Emily, a super-mum whose resume reads like a high-stakes tactical manual for nursery school survival. She’s the only human on earth who can negotiate a peace treaty between two toddlers fighting over a crusty plastic dinosaur while simultaneously decontaminating a “code brown” with a single wet wipe. Having spent years in the trenches of the sandpit, her reflexes are so sharp she can catch a projectile lukewarm milk carton mid-air without spilling a drop on her sensible cardigan. She views a room full of screaming three-year-olds not as chaos, but as a manageable mosh pit, and she’s the only person brave enough to face a glitter explosion without wearing a hazmat suit.